The Electric Russian’s Crazed Fantasies of XME
by The Electric Russian
Summary: Some of the strangest stories ever are brought to you throught a series of one shots. Next, meet 'The Producers!
1. Red and Silver

I would normally have Pietro walk off a cliff or die or something. This story was spawned by a great author named Asylin. We have a deal worked out. I write about a couple she chooses, and she writes about a couple I choose. Isn't that wonderful? Anyway, please review. It means a lot to me.  
  
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Red and Silver  
  
One Shot  
  
By the Electric Russian  
  
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"Blob! Come on! If you have to do that, go outside!" Pietro wined as Blob let one rip. Everyone was gathered in the living room of the Brotherhood Boarding House. Todd was laying on the couch with his drawing book out, Wanda was reading some cult book, Lance was plucking on his guitar, and Fred was having a farting contest with himself. All Pietro was doing was tapping his foot impatiently and staring at the clock. Wanda got sick of this after a while, and threw a hex bolt in his direction.  
  
Pietro only noticed after a few minutes when he tried to walk, but fell on his face. Wanda thought this was hilarious. Pietro went red with anger and stormed out of the room.  
  
He eventually resumed his foot tapping in his room. He stared at a wall, his mind thinking of only one thing: Love.  
  
Yes that's right. Pietro, the jerk, in love. His little boy crush had turned into a full scale invasion of his heart after yesterday evening. . .  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Listen, I know what will happen if we get caught out here, so hurry up and tell me what you wanted to tell me!"  
  
"Shh! Be a little quieter, okay?"  
  
"Fine. But hurry up and tell me what you called me out here for!"  
  
Pietro and a shrouded figure were facing each other in the front lawn of the Brotherhood Boarding House, talking in hushed tones. The shrouded figure inched closer to Pietro, bringing her face as close as possible to his. She brought her hood down and slowly kissed his lips, savoring every moment. For a second, nothing mattered to Pietro. He was completely lost in the ecstasy of the kiss. For Pietro, this was his first. And he was proud to say, his first kiss had been with his one true love. He didn't care if anyone felt different about his love. Nothing mattered.  
  
After the magical kiss had ended, the shrouded girl whispered,  
  
"Same time tomorrow?"  
  
Pietro simply nodded, too lost for words.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Pietro was anxiously awaiting any sign of the girl. Anything at all. At last, a sound came at his window. Pietro didn't even wait to see what it was, he just ran outside, which caused everyone to get discombobulated at the flaming streaks across the floor.  
  
"What's he in such a hurry for, yo?"  
  
"Dunno. Maybe he's got a hot date."  
  
{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}  
  
Pietro stood on the lawn, just like last night. He looked around with wide eyes until he saw the object of his heart's desire.  
  
Amara Aquilla.  
  
"Amara-"  
  
"Shh. I know."  
  
Amara walked closer to Pietro, put her hand in his. The slowly walked down the street, toward a little ice-cream shop that Pietro knew a little short cut to. . .  
  
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	2. Snookums

G'day everyone! Aslyin came up with this one, as we are continuing our dual to the finish. I know it is very unrealistic, out of character, and insane, but bare with me. Also, be sure to check out Aslyin's story, "Are you sure that can be considered a couple?" It's the sister story to the one your reading now. It also contains all of my brainchilds, as this one contains Aslyins. Please review.  
  
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The Electric Russian's Crazed Fantasies of XME  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Snookums  
  
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Wanda was bored. She had done everything that needed to be done, and now had nothing to do! She realized that the source of her boredom had come from Toad. He had stopped pining after her, and now she had grown restless. She realized that it was because of Todd always away. It seemed that he had lost all interest in her. Normally, Wanda would have been extremely thankful that Todd had found someone else to bug, but because she was bored, she decided to find out why. . .  
  
Meanwhile, in the streets of Bayville. . .  
  
People were running and screaming. Somewhere, a child had fallen, and was crying for its mother. The young child's screaming stopped, however, when a tall, dirty-blond hared man with dark red sunglasses came over and scooped the child up in his arms and passed it off to it's mother, who was extremely grateful. She lost all of her gratefulness, however, when she saw what happened when the teen lifted his sunglasses from his face.  
  
"He's a mutant!" escaped the discombobulated mother's mouth. Her husband was a major anti-mutant activist named Robert Kelly. She had best not tell him that his daughter had been saved by a mutant. . .  
  
Meanwhile, in the Xaivier Institute. . .  
  
Professor Xaivier sat quietly at Cerebro, watching the scene from a huge hologram that appeared in front of him. He watched as Cyclops saved that young child in the parking lot. It made him sick that the woman had rejected Cyclops so. Why had all of this happened in the first place? The Brotherhood shouldn't be attacking a school! What had made them snap like that?  
  
Meanwhile, BACK in the streets of Bayville. . .  
  
"Don't do this, Lance!"  
  
"Why not, pretty Kitty?"  
  
"Because something might happen to that fruit-bowl head of yours!" Kitty said as she chucked one of her world famous muffins right at Lance's helmet, shattering it into a million tiny pieces.  
  
"NOOO! That's the third time this week!"  
  
Lance created a fissure in the ground, but stupidly fell into it. Kitty only giggled at the strange display.  
  
MEANWHILE, in the schoolhouse. . .  
  
Jean and Scott were running through the schoolhouse, trying desperately to put out the small fires. Scott wasn't really doing anything, but Jean was making a psychic wind to blow out the fires like birthday cake candles. After all of the fires had been put out, Jean walked over to Scott and faced him with a sad expression on her face.  
  
"Scott, there's something I need to tell you. . ."  
  
Scott, fearing the worst, began to cry.  
  
"Jean, WHY?!?"  
  
"YOU'VE KNOWN ALL ALONG?"  
  
"Huh?" said Scott, momentarily stopping from his blubbering.  
  
"I'm in love with Todd."  
  
"*whew*"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I thought you had found out that I was the one responsible for all of your missing bras lately."  
  
"What? No. Although, that would be the reason I have been having to go without a bra for a week. . ."  
  
"Well, as long as your not mad at me."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Okay."  
  
They stared at each other for a long time before Scott finally broke the uncomfortable silence.  
  
"I'm gunna miss you, Jean."  
  
"Yea, okay."  
  
Jean walked off without further mentioning of her old love life. Scott had gone back to the mansion to check if Jean's clothes were still in his closet.  
  
MEANWHILE, IN ANOTHER PART OF THE SCHOOL!  
  
Toad was anxiously waiting for his love to meet him in the school custodian's closet. A few minutes later, Jean walked in and closed the door. They stared at each other for a long while until Todd spoke.  
  
"Did ya break up with ol' one eye?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"YEA!"  
  
Todd planted a huge frencher on Jean, who was obviously uncomfortable at first, but settled down after the first 3 seconds or so. The stood there, locking lips, when Wanda stormed into the closet.  
  
"What the hell is going on in here?"  
  
Both Toad and Jean were extremely discombobulated, but relaxed after Wanda suddenly went unconscious after a muffled 'thud'.  
  
Toad and Jean looked around the unconscious Wanda to find Kitty, muffin at the ready, with a little grin on her face.  
  
"Like, what are you doing in here?"  
  
Both stammered, and finally gave up the stammering after Kitty's eyes went blank. She walked like a zombie down the halls of the schoolhouse.  
  
This time it was Jean's turn to smile. Todd instantly knew what was going on and began to grin as well.  
  
Jean walked over and closed the door.  
  
Moans could be heard from the closet for a quite a while.  
  
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Tell me what you thought of it! I always appreciate feedback. It helps people become better authors! In other words, please review! 


	3. The Producers

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The Electric Russian's Crazed Fantasies of XME  
  
Chapter 3  
  
The Producers  
  
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Scott glared at the clock in the café. 'They're late' his mind told him over and over. If there was one thing in the world Scott hated, it was unreliability. If these people couldn't make it on time, they didn't deserve to be there in his opinion.  
  
At last, a small figure strode into the restaurant.  
  
"Rahne!" Scott said, causing some people to look up from their chicken cordon blue and escargot. One child in particular looked up, then down, then did a double take. 'Is that really Scott?!' thought the kid.  
  
"Scott!" Rahne hissed at him, "How mane times do I 'ave to tell ye! Don' use our real names in public!"  
  
"Oh yea. But you're still late! Why?"  
  
Rahne shrugged her shoulders. Scott sighed. 'Why me?'  
  
"Did you at least bring the object?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"It was your turn!"  
  
"Oh, that. Ye, I got it. Hey, there's Boris!"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Ray!" Rahne hissed.  
  
Indeed, Ray was easy to spot among all the French people. Or, rather, his hair. The only clue that Ray had walked into the café was his hair that stood above all the people.  
  
When Ray saw the two at a small table, he said "Hey Scott, hey Rahne."  
  
Rahne shook her head and lowered in defeat.  
  
"What about our aliases?"  
  
"Our what?"  
  
"Our fake names!"  
  
"Oh yea. What about 'em? Hey, look, its Fred!"  
  
Rahne almost strangled the other new recruit.  
  
"You. . . Mean. . . George. . ." Rahne said through clenched teeth.  
  
Fred was outside, obviously thinking about how to get through the door. He was obviously too large to fit through, and he was pondering simply crashing though the window. He reasoned they wouldn't mind, seeing as how he practically kept these people in business.  
  
"Missue Dukes! No! Do not crash srough ze window! We just had it replaced!"  
  
"Oh, hey Gaston. How do I get in again?"  
  
"Right zis way, Missue Dukes."  
  
Gaston led Fred around to the back, where Fred half-walked, half-rolled through two large double doors.  
  
"Uh, hey guys." Fred said from the ground.  
  
"Iz zere anyzing else I gan get you, zir?"  
  
"No thanks, Gaston. I got it under control here."  
  
Fred had a seat at the table where the rest were. Scott leaned over to Ray and whispered, "Why is he here? I thought we kicked him out at the *last* meeting." Ray shrugged his shoulders.  
  
"Right then, the meeting has come to adjourn. Today's issue is Season 5 of X-Men Evolution. So, the floor is open to anyone who has an idea for a plot. Well, the floor will be open after Ray stops combing his hair."  
  
Ray quickly stuck his pink hairbrush in his back pocket and apologized.  
  
"Ahem, as I was saying, the floor is open. Would anyone like to speak?"  
  
"Aye, I would."  
  
"Alright Rahne. Go ahead."  
  
"I would like to say that ye oll deserve ta get strangled after not usin' our aliases in public. Somebody is bound to want an autograph, then the next person, then a hole row 'o people are gunna want autographs. Jus' wait an see."  
  
"Right. Anyone besides Rahne?"  
  
"Uh, yea. I would."  
  
"Here we go again. . ." Scott grumbled.  
  
"I would like to, um, er. . ."  
  
"Propose?" Suggested Ray.  
  
"Yea. Propose that the show is titled 'Brotherhood: Evolution'. All in favor, say Jay."  
  
"Do you mean Aye?" suggested Ray.  
  
"Er, yea. Aye?"  
  
Nobody at the table said Aye or Jay.  
  
"Right, moving o-"  
  
"Pardon mua, Missue, but may I have your autograph?"  
  
"AHH!" Scott screamed like a little girl at, um. . . the little girl. "GERMS!!!"  
  
Faster than Pietro, he whipped out a can of Lysol and furiously sprayed the kid.  
  
"He he. Zat tickles, missue!"  
  
"Who are you?!"  
  
"Missue, I am Persephorone. I would like an autograph, if you don't mind, missue. You are my favorite X-Man! I used to watch you show every Saturday, before the stupid network took it off."  
  
She gave Scott a pouting, puppy-dog face. Scott looked pleadingly at Rahne, but she simply raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
"Um, okay. There you go." Scott took the pen from the little girl and scribbled down on a napkin. He gave it to the little girl, who squealed with glee.  
  
"Merci! Merci! I cannot wait to tell my brothers I got Cyclop's signature!" The little girl skipped off to tell her siblings.  
  
"Don't say it, Rahne. Well, again, the floor is open. . ." Scott prompted.  
  
He looked around at his guests; Rahne was waiting patiently, Ray was fiddling with a salt shaker, and Fred was eating another guy's sandwich while he was kissing his girlfriend.  
  
"Fred! Er, George. Er, um, Whatever! Stop eating his sandwich"  
  
"Whaft? He thaid I could eath ith!" Fred said with a mouthful of food.  
  
"How dare you sir! Zat was *my* sandwich!" Said the man after he was done with his girlfriend. Fred slowly backed away.  
  
"Um. Okay. So now that free session is over, it is Rahne's turn to bring a random object for inspiration to the plot. Rahne?"  
  
"Aye, Oi brought it. Here it is." She said, pulling a GI Joe out of,. . . somewhere.  
  
"OH! I have an idea!" said an elated Scott.  
  
"How about I join S.H.I.E.L.D. and jean joins hydra, and then at the finale, she confesses her love to me and says 'Will you marry me, Scott?', and I'll say sure, but we wont kiss, because she has too many germ-"  
  
"Pardon mua, Missue, but may I have an autograph?"  
  
"AHH! GERMS!" Scott cried, as he again whipped out his trusty can of Lysol and sprayed the kid in the face with it.  
  
"ARRG!!! IT BURNS! MOMMY!" The kid screamed. His mother came over and slapped Scott across the face.  
  
"All ze poor boy wanted was an autograph, you sick, sick man!" The woman held the now fresh-pine smelling kid in her arms and stormed off.  
  
Scott turned to see everyone glaring at him.  
  
"Rahne, don't say it."  
  
"Uhg, hey, wait a minute!" said Fred.  
  
"What is it now?!"  
  
"How come Jean never said that to me?"  
  
"Said what?"  
  
"You know, what you said!"  
  
"HUH?!"  
  
"Never mind."  
  
"Alright. Onto the next order of business. I wo-"  
  
"Excuse'e mua, Missue, but ma-"  
  
"EEEEEEP!"  
  
Scott again withdrew his can of Lysol and sprayed the kid with it. This time, though, it was not a small child. This was now a boy around Kurt's age, with the beginnings of a mustache and a handsome suit on.  
  
"My younger brother apparently came over here for an autograph, but some idiot sprayed him in the face with air fresionair. May I get an autograph for him?"  
  
"Um, sure. Do you have a pen."  
  
"Wee, here you are"  
  
Scott again scribbled down his signature before turning back to his group.  
  
"Aye, Oi tol-"  
  
"Don't say it. Okay then, the meeting is almost over. Th-" Scott again stopped in mid-sentence. He noticed a small spot on his sweater. Whatever it was, Scott was getting red. He finally lost it.  
  
"GOD! AHHH! STAIN STAIN STAIN! AAAAHH!!!" Scott ran across the entire café looking for anything to get the evil stain off of his sweater, and finally came to rest when he discovered a stain removal kit behind the podium where Gaston seated the customers.  
  
He hurriedly opened it up and spread some of the liquid over the practically non-existent stain on his sweater. He breathed a heavy sigh of relief after the stain slowly disappeared. He pranced back to the table, now happier than tapeworm in a meat patty.  
  
Because people had been starring at him throughout the entire time, he did not notice anyone giving him strange looks, including his guests.  
  
As soon as he sat down, he noticed some kitty litter from somewhere on his pants. How it got there, Scott didn't care. He just screamed, "DEAR GOD! NOT MY PANTS TOO! AAAHH!!!"  
  
~~~~  
  
Jean was in her room at the X-Mansion when Scott walked in. "Scott! Where have you been?"  
  
"Um, nowhere. Just, er, um, nowhere."  
  
Jean went to go hug him, but stopped about a foot away. It seemed that there was some kind of force field around her love.  
  
Finally, Scott fizzled out of existence and Fred stood in his place.  
  
"HOW DID YOU GET THAT HOLO-WATCH?"  
  
"Um. Er, uh. You're not mad at me, are you?"  
  
"out, out, OUT OUT OUT!!!"  
  
"CUT!" cried Stan Lee, as he walked on to the stage.  
  
"What was that? And why are you here?"  
  
~~~~  
  
{In the basement of the X-Mansion}  
  
"Guys? Hallo? Guys? Zis isn't funny anymore! I cannot see! And someone stole my image inducer! GUYS!"  
  
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I hope you liked it. In fact, tell me whether you like it or not with that little button down there that says 'Submit Review'. Thanks. Again, props to Aslyin.  
  
Until next time,  
  
Das vi danya.  
  
-The Electric Russian 


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